How long has it been since I have written anything on here?
Back then I has to carry a small notebook wherever I went because of endless random thoughts that I had to put in writing. Now I am just too tired to think.
Because I have to do my laundry. And I only have a couple of days of to catch up on sleep before I start grinding again.
I have a journal on my shelf. It is too old that they pages have turned yellow.
my fridge is empty. is this the best way to lose weight?
**** another question:
isn't the internet a great way to express oneself?
a few decades ago, when the computer was just the stuff of science fiction books, only famous commentators had a voice. we turned on our televisions and radios when we wanted information. but now, the computer is so accessible that even a small-town farmer from zambales who visits the internet shop to update the internet world about his travails with his blog is getting thousands of hits daily.
it's good that everyone can have a voice through blogging.
but since blogging is a form of communication, our thoughts are open for comments. although some may agree with what has been said, others may not agree with our points of view.
so why am i writing this?
i just want to point out that everyone has a right to speak up. and people should accept that.
if you are a blogger, you open writing to criticism. and you should be able to take it. if you get hurt by the negative comments you get about your commentary, realize that it's not an attack on your person (unless he or she says that you look like a rotten orange or something to that effect, or, if he or she is threatening to hurt you in any way--now that's serious) but a sharing of thoughts and ideas.
i get negative comments a lot. and i try to see their point. i think about what they have said, weigh things, accept if they are right or explain further...and finally move on. it's simple as that. no hurt feelings.
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for me the best bloggers are the ones that are so passionate about their thoughts. a few days ago, i shared thoughts with someone who was blazing about his views. and i immensely enjoyed our exchange.
on the other hand, when i come across a blog entry where one makes writes something and then washes his hand off his entry when people start to react, dismissing it like he actually doesn't care, i'm turned off.
and more often than not, i don't read his blog again.
of course this is just my point of view.
and... it's open for comments ;)
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i know a lot of people who are afraid to comment.
when a blog is something that could generate a lot of fiery reactions, many hold back and keep their thoughts to themselves. ayos lang naman pag ganun.
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i don't know about you guys, buit when i listen to jose mari chan's 'let's stop and talk awhile' i get a sense of euphoria. i get transported to happier times --- my worry-free childhood.
jose mari chan is a good song writer.
but when 'beautiful girl' is playing, i get an image of the young gretchen barreto and her thunder thighs.
...why can't I read anymore without feeling sleepy after a few paragraphs? I am interested in what i am reading but it seems that my aging body is not up to the demands of intellectual nourishment all of a sudden.
And even when i go to sleep, i wake up at the slightest noise. So I go back to my book but I feel sleepy again after a few pages.
Is this going to be my nightly routine from now on? Am I going to be condemned to having no REM cycles for the rest of my life?
I bet you are at the moment prone to projectile vomiting now that you have stumbled upon yet another year end blog entry. But before you transfer all your stomach contents to your computer screen (was that tinola you just ate?), i want your good self to know that this is what you will mostly get at this time of year.
So hold your stomach acids, alright?
took a photo while I was writing this entry
Okay, so I survived another year here in the US. i moved here around 27 months ago, reluctantly, to find greener pastures. I found it alright. I have a job that is less stressful than what i used to have back in the Philippines, but with a bigger salary. I told myself that i will come here and work my ass off to have enough money to pay for my own nipa hut. I got it six months ago. I'm still paying for it but paying less and less each month. I'm just happy knowing that i won't have to be problematic about paying rent on an apartment when i get old (which is only a few days from now). Plus, no more hotel bills when i'm in Pinas on vacation.
But in all honesty, i am happier when i am in the Philippines. Here, I feel like a robot most of the time --- like another social security number mindlessly going to work everyday to pay for his endless bills. Here, there's no barkada getting together for dinner or coffee after work. In America you wake up, piss, take a shit, wash any body part that needs to be cleaned, dress up, drive to work, work, and afterwards do the whole drill all over again --- only backwards. And you do the same exact thing all over again the next day. For days you won't see a break in the routine. You won't have time to go to the movies. You won't even have the time to watch television. You need to cook dinner for yourself. You need to do the laundry. You need to drive to the store because you ran out of bread and yogurt. You need to vacuum the carpet. You need to clean the toilet.
I don't even have time to write anymore. Back home, i wrote a lot. Most of my time here is spent going to the grocery store, to the laundromat, to keep the house and car clean.
I've heard of people saying that Pinoys in America are lucky to have visas and work here. I say, if they put too much premium on happiness, they will not enjoy the land of milk and honey.
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I had a friend who lives in the same city as I. We were friends even before I went to the US. So when i got here, he was one of the few people who showed me around. But the thing was, he had a partner. His partner (let's call him Norman Bates) will be angry if he found out that his partner and i would occasionally meet. So my friend would beg me not to post any pictures or mention anything about us meeting up in any of them social networking and microblogging sites. Once, Mr. Bates deleted me (and a few other people) from my friend's facebook friends list. Maybe this friend of mine loved his Norman so much that he can't tell him not to do that to his friends (i can't believe that he would allow it to happen since my friend and I have known each other for years).
We haven't communicated since. I think at some point i got mad that he allowed Norman to treat me like that. Oh well. People can respond to love and relationships in so many ways. I just hope he's happy.
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Sometimes i look back in sadness at the people i cared for but lost. One person who I used to care for deeply, I found out cussed me like there was no tomorrow - badmouthing me all because i verbalized my frustration with wanting to see him (he usually keeps to himself). Okay. At least we're friends again. But we aren't as close as we were before. And i will never ask him to meet up with me. i don't want to be cussed like that again. And this guy, when he cusses, the tone becomes too palpable that you feel it creep into your skin.
I am more than happy though, that i have friends who never stop bugging me to ask how i am. Matt, Benny, James, JK, Jared, July, Ivan, Jeff, Fritz, Sher, Ellen, Lorenzo, Drakey, MJ, Marky, Ron, JR, Carlo (i love you but i am still not going to talk to you since you deserve to be punished *insert evil laugh*), i know you guys will still be there for me when i turn sixty tomorrow. LOL. Come to think of it, these are the guys (except for a few) who never disappear when they are in a state of captivity (also known as 'being in a relationship'). i love you guys.
I know that distance can be a challenge to friendships. And sometimes even the closest of friends can forget. Still, i am happy to have people care for me genuinely.
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I went back home for six weeks. Lugging a huge duffle bag every time i went out since I had nowhere to crash when i stayed out late (i ended up in inns and hotels), those six weeks were the happiest I had last year.
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I watched 'Amaya' from start to finish. I loved it. Watched all episodes of X-Factor Philippines too. Now I am watching the Filipino version of 'Temptation of Wife.' I've seen every episode since the pilot. But if Angeline goes on being pathetic for one more day, i'm going to throw my shoe at the television screen.
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My supervisor told me that i have a big chance of being promoted early next year. Thank you, Lord!
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We are going on our sixth year.
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More than the gadgets, clothes and other material stuff that i have collected this past year, i am most thankful for not having even a single asthma attack since i moved here to the US. This to me is one of the biggest blessings. i am grateful. And I thank the Lord too for moments of happiness every time my coworker makes me her unbelievably delicious pineapple cake.
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Ups and downs. Life is full of them. Hopefully 2013 will bring me a lot more ups -- and for all my friends too. Here's to more good times and fewer bad times this new year. Much love!
"after all the money i have spent on you. after everything i did for you. after all the sacrifices. after all the things i have given you. you do not respect me. you never ever say thanks. i do not deserve this. i don't deserve this treatment from you. do not speak to me like that. it's not what you said. it's the tone of your voice when you said it."
- some people should have just considered adoption before they started whining about the money lost and years wasted.
