Yey!

I'm back. I think.

drama

i was hoping that things would turn around. that i would wake up from a bad dream and realize that everything in my life is peachy. i woke up alright, only to see things as they really are.

a three year relationship ended. and it ended badly.

no more drama next time.

.....

I was lying awake after my dream. A nightmare in which I saw a man, pale, emaciated. His ribs were showing through his skin, getting more prominent as he inhaled. His eyes were bulging as if his skull couldn’t contain it. He appeared to be restless, but given the state of his condition, he could only crawl.

He was crawling on a sandy surface. I was not sure if it was a desert. The painful crawling kept on for a while until he chanced upon a book. Old. Hardbound. The man then frantically opened it, turning the pages violently. It appeared to me that he was searching for a passage in the book, but as I looked closer, the pages were all blank. The man hysterically tore the pages and began to weep. His long, low-pitched moan made me shiver. He then stopped. He slowly reached for the torn pages and ate them.

After that, I was on my bed, in the dark, tossing and turning, sleepless from the sweat in my sheets.

Yesterday...

so i finally got to see cynthia alexander perform live at last night's fete de la musique in el pueblo. amazing woman.

One Hundred Eight Eyes

how
do we stand in the bravelight?
those burning 108 eyes staring
blow out the candle
tiptoe silence bury me deep
in the cracks in the red
of your room
i'm playing with shadows
it's getting too dark to play

how
do we stand in the bravelight?
those burning 108 eyes staring
you quickly colour me out
and forget this
i'm hung
in the grey
of a cloud
you pretend i don't exist
remember me?
unfortunately
it's getting too dark to play


*****

saw an episode of Y!Speak on studio 23 earlier. it was about wether a child could grow up 'whole' even without the presence of a father (mean producers--- it's father's day today for crying out loud). there was this audience member who asked ic mendoza (the gay son of dolly ann carvajal) about his effeminate demeanor. the girl who asked this was attributing ic's behavior to his fatherless upbringing. the smart ic said that he acts as such not because he was fatherless growing up but because it's his choice. he said that he may act softly (ano ba tagalog ng malamya?) because he only has female friends but he could act tough if he wanted to. then some idiot from the other panel asked if he could play basketball, to which ic answered without batting an eyelash, "yes. i play basketball".

how's that for destroying stereotypes, huh?

i'm now a fan.

P.S.

for those who accidentally took interest in my blogs and are contemplating on posting a comment, please do. i've been reading other blog entries (my favorite so far is 'hit the road jack'), including the comments, and i learn as much from the comments as the blogs that inspire them.