eb time...

boracay, paradise on earth, i'll see you later.

kilala mo ba ang mga ito?

if you are a child of the eighties and the era's new wave music, then you've probably heard of the smiths. there were a lot of good new wave bands back then, like the wild swans and the psychedelic furs, but the smiths, to me, is the greatest new wave act ever. who would ever think of writing songs such as "shoplifters of the world unite" or "girlfriend in a coma"?

i heard that ex smiths frontman morrissey (is it true that he is gay?) has just released a new cd. sana may pambili.

magkano na ba cd ngayon? limang daan na ata dinagdagan pa ng VAT. patay na tayo dyan.


girlfriend in a coma i know
i know
it's serious

girlfriend in a coma i know
i know
it's really serious

there were times that i could have murdered her
but you know
i would hate anything to happen to her

no, i don't want to see her

do you really think
she'll pull through?
do you really think
she'll pull through?
do...

girlfriend in a coma i know
i know it's serious
my, my, my, my, my, my baby, goodbye

there were times when i could have strangled her
but you know i would hate anything
to happen to her

would you please let me see her

do you really think she'll pull through?
do you really think she'll pull through?
do...

let me whisper my last goodbyes
i know

it's serious...

saccharinely hilo

i'm desperately trying to lose some weight.

so i watch what i put in my mouth (talking 'bout food and drink here, alright?).

but i'm addicted to soda. can't live without it.

the problem is whenever i drink aspartame sweetened drinks like diet sodas and teas, i get really dizzy and nauseous. have you had these symptoms after drinking pepsi max? or is it just me?

but sweet kisses i got to spare...

i read from someone's blog that he calls himself (and other fans of the film and stage musicale) a renthead.

i was wondering if i should call myself a renthead since i've seen the film (i haven't seen the stage version though) a dozen times and i plan to see it 525,600 times more.

so do i qualify?

you should know that...

1. i just turned thirty.
2. i am an arian.
3. my last relationship lasted for three years and four months. that was the first relationship i had with the same sex. before that, i had a girlfriend. i broke her heart. with the last, it was my heart that got broken.
4. it's been five months since i last had sex.
5. the first sexual encounter i could remember was when i was six. an older female playmate stripped and sat on me and rubbed her genitals against my penis. back then i didn't know what she was doing. but it felt good.
6. i only had phone sex with four people. and it all happened when i was 29.
7. two persons have seen my dick thru webcam.
8. i like to kiss.
9. i came out to my mom last december. she asked me if i was gay because i didn't have a girlfriend at my age. i was taken aback for a bit. i answered, "ma, it's just that i'm not attracted to women right now". she didn't utter a word for an hour after that.
10. i am single.

good friday...

...was indeed good. everyone trooped to cainta to witness the holy week procession and to eat the famous palabok which we only get to taste during good friday on a vacant lot where the passion play is held. i wonder where they permanently set up shop.

maundy thursday

1. woke up at 10. didn't pop the (sleeping) pill last night. i fear being addicted to it. had only six hours of sleep. felt so weak.
2. went online. talked to noone. logged out. watched Kapag Langit ang Humatol on 2.
3. ate laing and rice for lunch.
4. went online again. talked to chris. talked about each other's problems.
5. steamed some blue marlin fillet. didn't eat it.
6. went online again. talked to chris. shared mp3s.
7. saw Kailangan Kita also on 2.
8. 1:10 am. i wanna get some sleep. maybe i'd have to take the pill tonight.

uhmmm/hmmm...

i'm really sorry that i just cannot reciprocate with the same magnitude your feelings for me at this point and i really understand if you can't wait any longer and it's not your fault that you don't understand what i have gone through to make myself whole again just thinking about letting myself become vulnerable again scares me for now you came close though i am not gonna answer your calls and messages i think it would be easier for the both of us if i didn't i hope you get to find what you're looking for soon goodbye...

holy wednesday

if i were to be taught by someone
i'd like it to be you.
that when i learn
i learn and grow in love with you
i have fallen.
and as of this day
the second day
after the first month from when i heard your voice
i say to you..
"i offer you my heart"
with no demands
no expectations
no pressure.

someone said this to me last night. we're not talking as of today.

Put It On...

Have you ever heard Corrine Bailey Rae's Put Your Records On? i just can't stop listening to it.

three little birds sat on my window
and they told me i don't need to worry
summer came like cinnamon
so sweet
little girls double-dutch on the concrete

maybe sometiomes, we got it wrong, but it's alright
the more things seem to change, the more they stay the same
oh, don't you hestitate

girl put your records on, tell me your favorite song
you go ahead, let your hair down
sapphire and faded jeans,i hope you get your dreams
just go ahead, let your hair down

you'ra gonna find yourself, somewhere, somehow

blue as the sky, somber and lonely
sipping tea in the bar by the road side
(just relax, just relax)
don't let those other boys fool you
gotta love that afro hairdo

maybe sometimes, we feel afraid, but it's alright
the more you stay the same, the more they seem to change
don't you think it's strange?

'twas more than i could take, pity for pity's sake
some night's kept me awake, i thought i was stronger
when you gonna realize,that you don't even have to try any longer
do what you want to

Sai recommends...

saw THE HILLS HAVE EYES @ gateway cinema. terrifying. the sound was excellent. the popcorn i was eating shot off through my nose. everyone should see it.

aylabmayprends

i had a wonderful surprise on the eve of my birthday. i was grocery shopping with mylene when matt asked if he could borrow the key to my house because he needed to do a #2.. when i got home, the most important people in my life were there to surprise me. and they brought lots of food. i've haven't been really happy for months now and this gesture made me smile. era--you have no idea how important you are to me. i wouldn't have survived one of the most hellish experiences of my life if you weren't there to hold my hand. i love you so much. ryan, how could someone so intelligent be able to love so unconditionally? the sms you sent me when you got home was the sweetest i have ever received. thank you. matt--where's your stepmom? hehehe...i know you love me more. and i love you too -- so much.  harry/shugee--harry, you may not know this but you have taught me a lot of things...and the greatest of them is kindness. i sometimes get pissed when you're being too kind to people who don't deserve such treatment. but i realized that i was actually envious of this rare quality of yours. sana ganyan din ako. ate erlie--you play your role perfectly. i look up to you and your wisdom. mai--now it's my turn to tell you that i love you mai. labylaby. conrad--my newest friend. we can't help but love you con. you are such a sweet guy. i'm glad that you've finally spent more time with us. here's to more bonding in bora. hehehe... i didn't know that i was capable of being cheesy. i've written the L word in this entry so many times. but then it's my birthday so i think i'm allowed. i just can't say it enough. mahal ko kayo.

Were The Mosquitoes Watching Dingdong and Iza?

last week after seeing moments op lab with my bestfriend( i'm never gonna watch a movie in sm north again...ang mga damuhong lamok bit us endlessly) , we went to starbucks and talked about relationships. she's now married and has a daughter with the brother of my ex (i introduced them to each other) and i see that she's really happy. before she met her new beau she was in a devastating relationship that lasted for five years. so while having my raspberry frap i told her that i'm intensely attracted to a person whom i've been talking a lot to thru messenger.

me: but when the talk goes to what he feels for me and how we should take the relationship to the next level, i push him away.
her: why?
me: i'm scared. you know how my last relationship ended.
her: ganyan din ako. it took me almost two years to love again.
me: don't get me wrong ha, i still think about him sometimes. and it pisses me that he could move on to another reationship so easily while we are left to be miserable for months. i'm wondering why it's so hard for us to move on... bakit kaya?
her: eh ganun talaga pag sila pa ang may kasalanan pansin mo?
me: onga. three year relationship din yun tapos nakamove on na after a month. and he has had three or four boyfriends already after me. and it's only been like ten months since we split.
her: (laughs)
me: masyado kasi tayo nagiisip. sometimes i wish i was dumb. if that was the case, moving on would be so easy.
her: ay. may ibig sabihin ba yun?
me: wala. siguro he fell out of love for me months pa before we split up. kaya siguro ganun.
her: you know that it took me almost two years to love again. you know what i found out? sana dati pa ako nakipagrelasyon ulit. kasi when you decide to take the plunge again, you will immediately wonder why you didn't do it long ago pa. it feels good to love someone and have that someone love you back. and i assure you, sai, the next time you go into a relationship, you will be wiser. i'm in a relationshop now, but i know that if ever this relationship doesn't work out, i know that i will not be crushed like what i experienced dati. naranasan ko na yun dati eh. i know now that i am my own individual. and he is too. and although i love him and he loves me too, i know that i can live with or without him.

galing, no?