So after three gruelling weeks of working in a PR firm, i'm finally starting to get the hang of things. My work day starts with me reading more than 8 newspapers a day looking for news about the industry that i'm supposed to write press releases for. By the time that i've gone through every page and have gotten the summary of each news item, the clock should've hit 12 noon. afternoons are spent writing and going on press rounds and attending meetings and doing interviews and being nice and peachy to everyone.

totally stressful and tiring.

and i have to go to the gym four times a week to lose weight.

i miss having eight hours of sleep.

and my friends.

i am anxious. after an imposed sabbatical, i am now rejoining the tax paying workforce starting monday. i am anxious, but i am also excited.

going...

going...gone?

jagged little pills

i'm a supplement freak. it started when i almost fainted two years ago and the doctor's couldn't find anything wrong with me. i did my own research and found these supplements very helpful.

everyday i take:
1. a B complex caplet
2. folic acid
3. selenium
4. vitamin e
5. vitamin c
6. vitamin a&d
7. co-enzyme Q10
8. omega 3
9. dietary fiber supplement
10. a tablespoon of extra virgin coconut oil

when i feel tired and weak i take:
1. vitamin B-12 sublingually or
2. korean ginseng capsules

sometimes, though, it gets really tiring to get one pill from each and every bottle. so i just pop a multivatamin and go.

ill pare

it's hard when you are sick and you live alone.

trust me. i know how it feels.

i've been living independently since college. my mom went to the states and for the first time in our lives, we got separated. i remember crying in my room at the dorm (where i used to live) everytime i experienced a severe asthma attack. my solo flights to the hospital were the dumps for me. i pitied myslef big time during those times.

fast forward to present day.

i've been nursing a slight fever since sunday evening. and although the fever has subsided a couple of days ago, my body pain decided to stick with me up until now. i suspect the pain must come from working out five times a week for the past three months or so. i heard you should only work out three to four times in a week. so the physical abuse must've brought about the body discomfort.

the fever i think should come from my piercing. my brother coerced me to have my ears pierced last saturday. i don't know what possessed me back then but i said yes right away. he was wrong when he thought he'd see me scream in pain when the gun drills a hole in my ear. but now my lobes are swollen red and as big as squid balls.

so here i am, stuck inside my 34 square meter appartment, and bored out of my wits. i've been craving for pad thai and miso soup but i don't have the strength to get dressed and run to the nearest oody's express or teriyaki boy.

i miss having someone to take care of me. i really do.


***

ang salaming tridi

even brandon routh will not look good in these glasses.

song lyrics that move

it's only you that makes me free
i'm not used to being loved,
not me.

- free, Simon Webbe


goodbye my lover
goodbye, my friend
you have been the one
you have been the one for me
i'm so hollw, baby, i'm so hollow
i'm so, i'm so, i'm so hollow

- goodbye my lover, James Blunt


i have seen
i have been to places far and deep in my mind
only to find comfort in your strangeness

- comfort in your strangeness, Cynthia Alexander


go
don't worry i'll stay sane
'cause i'm a friend as much as a lover
this patient waiting is good
for the heart and soul

- go, Barbie's Cradle


pause in your busy day
look extra long my way
wink at me across the room
kiss me longer
touch my arm when i am by your side
so i can fly

- fly, Sarah Groves


beyond the things i'm not, there's love inside of me
just love me for all the things i am
love me

- for everything i am, Christian Bautista


when you say you love me
the world goes still, so still inside
when you say you love me
for a moment
there's no one else alive

- when you say you love me, Josh Groban


do you really love me,
or are you just
lonely?
...you're just lonely.

- you love me, Cacai Velasquez


more next time.

today...

1. woke up at 1pm. ate 1 banana.
2. went to the gym. worked out for three hours.
3. robert texted. asked me where i was. i asked him why. he told me, "la lang."
4. met era for dinner at McDonald's St. Francis.
5. bought a movie ticket ( Superman Returns @ IMAX) for wednesday next week.
6. stood on a bus going home.
7. robert came by to pick me up. fritz and cathy were inside the car.
8. went to baang coffee to finally try their famous cheesecake. yummy. got introduced to kris.
9. went to robert's place for a drink.
10. went back home at 2:30 am.


they called...
1.beno
2.robert
3.neil
4.era

talked to them online...
1.young
2.jake
3.denis
4.chris


nice.

m e . . .

this shit is bananas

b1 talks to b2 online
b1 and b2 become really good friends
b1 and b2 meet
b1 takes b2 home
b1 and b2 like each other
b1 and b2 talk
b1 and b2 kiss
b1 and b2 agree to see each other exclusively
b2 goes back home
b2 calls and takes back everything it said
b1 and b2 agree to remain friends
b1 is sad
today, b1 is going out with someone else.

e i f f e l

you went to a clothes store looking for that perfect pair of pants. you found it at a local shop. a size 32 stone washed low rise jean. the nice embroidered design on the back pocket makes it all the more cute. you try it on. it's perfect. you get your wallet and see a five hundred peso bill. then you look at the tag. php1,399. shrugging, you went back and placed the pair of jeans in the hanger. you tell yourself that when you have the money, you're going to get back and get it.

you went out of the shop hopeful.

weeks pass. the long wait is over. you remember how good it looked on you. how the soft denim felt against your leg. how tall it made you look. you are smiling. and now that you have the money to make the purchase, you run back to the shop.

and the jeans you were eyeing was not available in your size anymore.

do you know how that feels?



i am feeling that feeling right now.  that miserable, frustrated feeling. and i am not even looking for a pair of jeans.

AKO ITO because it resonates

kung mayroon man akong mamahalin
sino kaya ng pipiliin
yung tahimik o yung malakas ang dating
kahit di handa&ampamp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;bgsound src="http://www.blogupload.com/71626/07_Ako_Ito-Unbound.wma" loop=infinite&ampamp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;gt;
dapat bang pilitin
in real life ano ang dapat gawin
yung isa na malapit sya ang abot kamay
o yung isa na malayo panaginip lang habangbuhay
nagmamadali ba ako
hindi naman siguro, hindi naman
pero bago ang lahat...dapat kilalanin mo muna ang sarili mo
ang tunay mong damdamin bago magmahal ng kahit sino pa man
kilalanin muna ang sarili
alamin mo muna ng mabuti
kilalanin muna
alamin mo muna mahalin mo muna
ang sarili mo
part of your youth
i sympathize you've been through hell
and in that hell i don't think you still wanna dwell
pain is consistentlybitchin' all your life
it's all up to you if above it you will rise
confusionis knocking on your door
you know so well that you can pin him down to the floor
pain turns to hate
and hate's empowered all the more
if you deny yourself to forgive and to soar
years of anger still trying to find an exit
when there's despair
strength comes along with it
but you have to realize
that in this game we call life
you lose if you get even
you win if you break the chain of hate
i and i listen!
i better start forgiving
i better start believing
to believe in me
ako ito na nagbabago
ako ito na natututo
ako ito na binubuo
ang pagkatao ko
kilalanin muna ang sarili
alamin mo muna ng mabuti
kilalanin muna
alamin mo muna
mahalin mo muna
ang sarili mo
kung mayron man akong mamahalin
yun ay AKO



now i just hope someone gets to read these lyrics. i've been listening heavily to this song lately. buti nalang may kopya ako ng 2 week panic ng brownbeat allstars.